Speaking without Words
Communication is everything. We don’t get anything done in this world without communication, that includes communicating with ourselves! However when it comes to connecting with other humans, we obviously rely on language - written and spoken, to express our thoughts and convey our messages. A significant portion of our communication though, is non-verbal. Non-verbal cues often go unnoticed or underappreciated in our daily lives, but hold a lot of power in understanding one another. While words can convey meaning, non-verbal cues add layers of information that shape our understanding of people. Making a point of noticing these things will give you useful insights for various situations.
Non-verbal communication encompasses all the ways we express ourselves without using words. It includes body language, facial expressions, hand gestures, eye contact, posture, tone of voice, clothing, and possibly just a ‘vibe’. And while we have some information about these things, they don’t always apply to every human.
It’s important to put emphasis on collecting a range of data, and not just relying on one type of non verbal communication. Someone crossing their arms may actually be positively engaged in the discussion, if you see that their face and eyes are turned towards it. Lack of eye contact does not always mean someone is being rude or disinterested. Things like neurodiversity, chronic pain, mental illness, stress or the temperature of the room can also impact the messages a person conveys non-verbally. It’s important not to pass off signals as ‘negative’ if they aren’t what you are hoping for. Consideration that people can be experiencing a variety of states at any given moment will go far in interpretation and building empathy.
Body Language
Sometimes body language can reveal insight to our thoughts and emotions more accurately than our words ever could. The common one, for instance, is that crossed arms might indicate defensiveness or discomfort, while open arms may suggest openness and acceptance. Additionally, our posture, whether slouched or upright, could convey insecurity or confidence. It can also mean that someone is in pain or physically uncomfortable, which can also be taken on board when assessing a situation. Understanding these signals can help us interpret the potential meaning behind someone's words.
Facial Expressions
Our faces can be a canvas of emotions waiting to be read. Happiness, sadness, anger, surprise – obviously our facial expressions provide valuable insights into our emotional state. Smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, and squinted eyes all contribute to the messages people send. Being aware of these cues can help us not only understand others better but also become more self-aware of how our emotions are being perceived. It pays to be mindful that people’s faces don’t always express what you think is going on for them. A squinty frown look may just be a gesture of curiosity, and it’s possible that a smile might not be genuine.
Eye Contact
The eyes have long been considered the gateway to the soul, and for a good reason. Generally speaking eye contact can establish trust, connections, and make our interactions more meaningful. Maintaining eye contact shows attentiveness, interest, and respect. Historically, it’s been said that avoiding eye contact can suggest disinterest, dishonesty, or lack of confidence. But this is not always true. There are many neurodivergent people who find it very difficult to maintain eye contact, and often show connection through other means.
Tone of Voice
It’s hard to hide true meaning when it comes to tone of voice. It can alter the meaning of our words entirely, carrying subtle cues such as sarcasm, sincerity, or anger. You can listen in for this when people are speaking, certain intonations and pace of breathing can give you a clue as to what people are really feeling.
The Vibe
It might be a little ‘woo woo’, but I believe in the power of gut instinct. If we are tuned into ourselves, trust our own judgements, and have confidence in our values, there’s a lot to be said for intuitively making decisions or contributing suggestions to a discussion.
The best way to read a room, or a person across from you at least, is by paying attention to these things. Always piece things together based on a collection of clues. Connection is key when we’re working towards our goals in life or work, so being more mindful of other people’s emotions helps us understand, adapt, and respond accordingly.